Carrying a wiki in my heart

Twenty months ago my friend Jason took eir own life. That doesn’t sting nearly as much now, but the roots of my feelings go very deep.

I had a difficult challenge on the technical end, because I hosted the services Jason used. I put the blog up on the Internet Archive. The domain lapsed and I intentionally stopped paying attention as the various services faded away… except for this one server.

It costs me about $20 a month to run a wiki that isn’t publicly available. It is mostly a catalog of lessons on logic and a directory of summaries from various philosophers. Fascinating, really. Deserving of being shared on IA, or transcribed into an active wiki more resilient that one written by a dead guy and hosted by their friend.

But here’s the rub: Jason, in eir infinite fucking wisdom, left a suicide note in the wiki.

I hate that. It taints the whole bucket, because I am not going to editorialize this incomplete body of knowledge, but I am angered at the thought of preserving this public statement. And so I just left the server running.

I just deleted the server.

I will carry Jason forward for as long as this transient nature will allow, but it will be in the imperfect medium of memory, where anger wanes and the edges soften over time. No citation needed.