My trauma looks both ways before crossing the street

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Continuing the discussion from what the fuck is a dialectic?:

A good indication I’m paying attention is how much fun I’m making.

I’m glad to be aware at this point, where so much meaning is shoved into this tiny concept that just brings me to tears the more I think of it.

I mean, phew, I’ve got some stuff that is shattered and shaking around inside considering idea of of overcoming one’s own self contradiction.

I got really upset when Clover suggested writing eir name in a book. Like, hard to breath upset, my body just seized up. I love books. And yet, the combination of my childhood experiences responded in a way… not dismissive, nor even thoughtfully considerate. It was a violent compulsion in me to correct this behavior.

Fortunately we have a strong family system in place and I was able to get fresh air without enacting any permanent policy decisions. It didn’t hurt me any less, unfortunately, but our family system works to contain, to support.

And yet, it fractals out, all these battles, big and small, I’m no longer sure which are all in my head…

Sometimes I think empathy can only take you so far, especially walking through the battlefield. The wounded know each other, and find their like, or don’t. If empathy has an opposing force perhaps it would be ignorance. But if there was a vacuum, a void where empathy can not exist and remain empathy, it is trauma.

And so, if I’m trying to cycle through several inceptions of dichotomy, and others are doing the same, perhaps the best we can do is not engage the trauma of others. That means mindfulness around the conflict in others, and how various traumas ought to be approached, if at all.

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