So I just wrote a couple of pages of brain dump that started out as a blog post, but it turns out there are some details in there that I am not yet willing to admit in the agorawebs. I think I will break it down into smaller pieces and try to make sense of them, and post them as I do. Or I might not make sense of them and post them anyway. It’s my blagh, I can do whatever I want.
I will drop this hint, I am dealing with heartache that I thought had to do with my polyamorous ways, but I think I have now accurately pinned those down to being a catalyst for some other stuff that I have been dealing with from my childhood. Basically, I have this rusty iron spike shoved into my heart, but my heart grew around it, and it is particularly painful when something reminds me of it and I instinctively try to rip it out.
Validation, failure, abandonment. These are the words that litter my emotional landscape. As you can probably tell, it makes articulating these ideas a drawn out and frightening process. But I am okay, I have lots of love and support from my tribe, and no doubt this will be an interesting and scary ride that will leave me smiling one day.