What 50-year-olds know that 20-year-olds don't

mentalmodels
regrets
getting-older
life-advice
zero-fucks
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#1

@susan pointed this one out to me; e knows I actively seek out wisdom from older folks, so I can knit together a framework of what to not regret.

There is a similar list on the web, about nurses compiling a list of things people say on their deathbeds. That list changed my life, since it is basically a list of flags to look for in one’s life.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t like how that last sentence came out, but meh, such is life-list.

Anyhow, on this list, my main concern is #12:

Don’t beat yourself up about stuff. Do what you can to fix your mistakes, then move on. Guilt is only good for pushing you toward making things right again. After that, it becomes shame, and shame is a toxic substance which will eat you up inside. Same for worry.

Yeah, that is what I’m working on. It is hard. Just me and me. Not confident on my approaches to letting my stuff go.

Aside from that, #2 and #5 resonated:

I know myself better than anyone else. I don’t let anyone else’s opinions control what I do, what I wear, or what I say. Other people’s opinions are suggestions—take them or leave them.

“Fitting in” is highly overrated. Be you. Confidence is sexy. Besides, great leaders didn’t get where they are by following the crowd.

I’d say I am good at this, but only because I actively work at it. I’ve found myself really swayed by my perception of others and how they treat me.

At this point, after having lived a while, I am more sure of who I want to be, but just barely. I’ve been telling Susan about my “zero fucks philosophy”, which you can guess boils down to:

The closer to zero fucks given, the happier I am.

Because it turns out “giving fucks” and “caring” are two different things. I care about people, and how we treat each other. I just don’t have any fucks left. I wasted them on various people, but the good news is, those folks probably needed them.