This feels like really basic stuff that I missed, because I’ve really only learned what I needed, and not a lot of foundational stuff, in scripting, coding, or system administration.
I know how that sounds, because I’ve spent a good while processing it. See, it is something akin to a toolset. I’ve been keeping notes on something I call an “emotional toolset”, but it works here as well.
See, I didn’t get to do stuff like how most people did. I did it, but often a little later, and a little bit differently. For instance, I didn’t own a computer until I was 22. Prior to that, I only had access to a computer one hour a day at school, and they all hours of the public library when I was kicked out of school for being homeless (yeah, in some ways they really opened the door to an amazing path of technical curiosity, with a lens honed for compassion and punching up instead of down).
And because my childhood circumstances developed an intelligence complex, where I worship intellect while being most afeared of not having it myself, I always surrounded myself by people who could seemingly do anything. I could never keep up, but I still felt like I thrived around them. And if I’m honest, I kinda attract a classic “nerd” type. So I bring social skills to the party, wherever I go!
Anyhow, because I’ve got to train Clover to be like, a good human, I’ve finally found the energy and will to confront myself and get over me. And in the last few years I’ve really thrived by valuing other aspects of myself. It is actually kinda easy to feel special, all you candy asses freaking out because of the world. I don’t like it either, but honestly, every year is like that for me. As I type this, the most insane sound is happening not ten feet away from me. That’s how I roll.
But embracing chaos is a bit like peeking behind the curtain. You start to see where the walls are, and which were cognitive delusions. And suddenly a lot of scaffolding comes together…
Oh, all the games are uploaded! Yay! Go vote!